The Accidental Jew

Apparently a certain Jewish someone in Columbus and I share a similar email address. For over a year now, I’ve been getting emails from this person’s Jewish relatives and from Jewish organizations. A couple of times I’ve replied to the relatives, explaining that I’m not coming to the pre-Chanukah goodbye party for the Schwells, or any other parties they might be throwing. I also won’t be observing Shabbat or attending any seders. They apologize, yet I still get random emails and I’m still mystifyingly subscribed to Oorah, a newsletter for Jews.

I admit I know nothing about the Jewish faith, and the closest I come to Judaism is a crush on Jon Stewart. I believe that if you put “sch” in front of something, it makes it Jewish.  And I know that the kosher foods in the supermarket look disgusting. To hell with waterboarding, if I had to be tortured, my captors could threaten to feed me gefilte fish. Seeing this inadvertent subscription as a learning opportunity, I opened some of the Oorah newsletters.  I’ve already learned that Oorah is not just a marine battle cry. It is an organization that reaches out to non-Orthodox Jews (or in my case, not Jews at all) to believe in God, study the Torah, and practice the Mitzvot. I don’t know what that last thing is.

No offense to the Jews, but they are funny. Check out this guy in the latest email.

Maybe this is a fluff piece, but if they want to be taken seriously and get me to study the Torah, they may want to try a different approach. Maybe the Jews really are this silly, and in that case, maybe I should pursue Judaism. Or, maybe like my Methodists, their church, excuse me, temple, has become a place for puppet shows and big screen monitors. Regardless, this guy looks hilarious and makes me want to rent Yentl while eating a bagel. I think I’ll keep my subscription to Oorah for now. And maybe someday I will attend a party for the Schwells. They could be cool, er… school.