My NC-17 Plant

In an after-Christmas stupor I picked up a marked-down amaryllis bulb at Target.  This is the kind of bulb that comes with its own pot and dirt. My success in gardening has always mirrored my success in the kitchen, read: nil. But for a few bucks, I figured there was not much to lose. Well, this little bulb is obviously hardy and petulant, because despite my failure to water it almost ever, it has been growing quickly for about a month now. That is the good news.

The bad news is that as it has grown, my amaryllis has taken on a phallic shape that makes me embarrassed to be in the same room with it and mixed company. I have begun silently begging it to bloom so that it looks like a flower and not something that makes me blush when I look at it.  I don’t think my mind is in the gutter here, because my son and his friends have noticed the little soldier as well. When they ask what it is, I just tell them it’s a flower and I’m sure it’s going to bloom any day now. I think this plant would make even Georgia O’Keeffe blush.

See what you think…